Pinchy Lives!

I'm getting unhealthily obsessed with TypePad's "Insert Image" feature. My apologies.

Anyway, above is a 23-pound lobster that was just hauled in off the coast of Massachusetts. Next to it is a normal-sized lobster who undoubtedly has taken quite the self-esteem hit since meeting his new tank-mate. Because lobsters take an average of five to seven years to grow a pound, scientists estimate this one's age at around a century. Because he is apparently not a Simpsons nerd, the owner has inexplicably named him Bubba, in lieu of the obvious choice, Pinchy.

The two most hilarious things about this story:

• People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals appealed to Pinchy's owner, Bob Wholey, asking that he be released back into the Atlantic Ocean. Countering the proposal, however, was a group calling itself People for the Eating of Tasty Animals, who offered Wholey a hefty chunk of change -- at $14.90 a pound, Pinchy would retail for about $350. Quite the moral dilemma for Mr. Wholey.

• When asked about his ultimate plans for Pinchy, Wholey got philosophical:

I don't think you could eat something that big. ...What range of emotions does a lobster have? Greed? Lust Love?

Before unleashing the worst joke in the history of crustacean humor:

If you sat down and ate this thing, wouldn't that be a bit shellfish?

Get it? Shellfish? Wholey, you magnificent bastard.

Comments

[dB]

Plaschke Power On!: Magnificent bastard, indeed.